I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He better not be in your backpack
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
