I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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