he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Randomize
