I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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