dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
