Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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