yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
