He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
