I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
