You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
