awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
