you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
