this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
