repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
