I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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