My friends, they love my intelligence
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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