party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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