i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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