Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
