so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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