Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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