hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize