It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
