okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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