I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
