I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
