We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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