Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
