If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
