Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
