What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
