the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
