I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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