Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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