Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
