i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
