you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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