dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
