it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
