I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
