went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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