My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
