we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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