Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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