So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's official drugs can't kill me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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