ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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