im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
