I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
