I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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