I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
