Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So apparently I’m into choking now
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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