I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I smell like Dick and happiness
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
