I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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