ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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