It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
