remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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