remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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