That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
