Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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