Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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