She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
